Mr. Architect

Wala naman akong dapt isipin, kung tutuusin ay hindi lang naman siya ang lalake sa mundo, yet I'm still wanting for his attention and time. Honest to God ginawa ko ang lahat para lang mapansin niya ako and luckily we have the chance to write our story the other way around.

mas gusto ko ng simpleng istorya. Magandang simula at isang walang katapusang "happy moments." Pero masyado na ata akong naging masaya na nawala sa isip ko na walang kwento na walang ending, mabuti man ito o masama. Nag concentrate ata ako sa pag buo ng magandang simula na naging dahilan ng mataas mong expectations. I did not even realize that I'm losing you slowly.

Ang masaya kong kwento ay nauwi sa hindi inaasahang pag kakataon. I'm starting the to feel like my prince is ready to give up and not even try to give a damn fight. "Hangang dito nalang siguro tayo." Hindi na ata kita kilala, I think the prince in front of me is not the same person who makes my heart skips a beat. Pero hindi kita magawang masisi, aminin mo man o hindi, aminin ko man o hindi ay may kasalanan ako sa pagbabago ng ugali mo.

Paano ba ayusin ang isang bagay kung hindi mo naman alam ang sira? Mahirap mag pangap na ayos lang ako. I don't know how tyo smile in front of you when all I ever wanted to do is to cry in your shoulder and ask you the same questions over and over again. "Bakit ba lagi nalang tayo nagkikita sa hindi inaasahang pag kakataon"

Halos 4 na buwan na pala simula ng huli akong nag expect nang kahit ano mula sa'yo. Ngayon nalang ulit akong ng hangad ng kahit ano coming from you. Kailan ba titigil ang panaginip ko tunkol sa'yo? Kailan mo ba patathimikin ang isip ko? Alam kong hindi mo pa alam ang sagot, kahit ako ay hindi rin ito alam But one thing is for sure, I'm still hoping for our relationship to continue and at least has it own "happy ending."

Naging masaya naman ako sa piling mo, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy again without you.


_the Architect Man_

Poker Face

I've been writing tons of this in this blog but not even a single one you bother to read. I ask "what's wrong with you?" And then you just look at me and show me your fucking "poker face". Damn it! You did it again. Pinag mika mo nanaman akong tanga. Bakit ba inaaksaya ko ang oras ko sa'yo? You're not even worth it. Then after a few minutes to come to me, put you hand around my shoulders and let me feel you sorry, yet you still have the poker face.

When will be the time that i will show the real you? The real ********* that shows me the ugly truth, the person that make me realize that falling in love is a matter of choice and not just a pure feeling we felt. When we will be the right time for you to show the real you. I've been asking this for a long time but no answer was given. And sometimes I'm starting to feel the exhaustion of thinking and analyzing you.

Just so you know, I'm tired. I can't find a reason to stay in this.relationship, in this world you and I created. Just like what you said "falling in love is a matter of choice" this is probably my choice, and I don't even have any other option right?

So this is my goodbye now.

Thoughts on my Mind

We’ve all searching for partners. We’ve all want to have the best love story never written in this world, but what we really want to have is the uniqueness of having a perfect relationship that not everyone else have. The truth is we all just want to standout of the crowd and be noticed by others.

And there am I again. Talking to myself in the middle of nowhere while all of eyes were staring to me like hell. When will I stop talking to myself in public places? All of my life I depending on you, I always wanted to please you, to get your attention to be extraordinary in the bunch of ordinary. All I want is to glimpse at me and tell “You don’t have to do all of these, you have my attention all of this time.” But I guess I have to put extra effort on everything. That’s life live it, love it, face it!

It’s been quite a while since the last time I write an article for you. All of this time I thought I was moved on with all of the memories we’ve been through but I guess I’m a little bit not over you. It’s probably the picture in my desktop, or the photos that we’re taken a long time ago or maybe the fact that still now the communication is still tight as ever. How can my heart move on with all of these things still exist? Well, I guess I have to figure it out by myself.

It’s funny how most of the time people think they already moved on but in fact they just learn to live with the bitterness and pain that they don’t even realize that it’s painful. But when the time come they see the reason behind all of these memories will starting to come back out of nowhere. Maybe it’s true, I just mastered facing you with a poker face so that no one even you, can see the bitterness and pain on me. I congratulate myself on that.

But no matter how I try to hide, reality still appears and hit me like a machine gun in a war. I can never let you go, not now and never will. I just have to learn and master of living the pain no matter how hard and painful it is. That’s life and we have to deal with it.